If you’ve ever watched America’s Got Talent, you’ll recognize Howie Mandel as one of the judges on the panel. What no one knew was that Howie had been dealing with his mental health for the majority of his life. Last year, he came on Kelly Clarkson’s show and spoke up about what goes on inside his thoughts and behind closed doors.
“I’m living in a nightmare,” he says.
Howie Mandel, the America’s Got Talent judge, is 65 years old, and he rarely spoke about his mental health issues until he went on Kelly Clarkson’s show last year. He admitted to having suffered from the devastating affects of OCD and anxiety for the majority of his life. It all started when he was a toddler, so you could say he has no recollection of life before those afflictions. “I’m living in a nightmare,” he explained of his germ phobia.
Terry, Howie’s wife, has been his wife since 1980. He has three children with her: Jackie, 36, Alex, 31, and Riley, 28. He loves his family sincerely but claims he battles with intense highs and lows. “I try to anchor myself,” Howie explained. “I have a great family and I adore what I do. At the same time, I can sink into a deep despair from which I cannot recover.”
As COVID-19 struck, Howie went into a tailspin. “There isn’t a waking moment in my life when the thought ‘we could die’ doesn’t enter my mind,” he says. “Yet, the fact that everyone around me was fine would provide me with comfort. It’s a good idea to hang on to okay. But [during the pandemic], the entire planet was in danger. And it was pure hell.”
Howie Mandel’s struggle as a comedian
Until 2006, Howie never commented about his condition. He was just 40 years old when he was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. He stated that it made him feel like a failure that no one would want to hire. “My immediate thinking was that I’d embarrassed my family,” he explained. “I then realized, ‘No one is going to hire someone who isn’t stable.’”
As a result, Howie sought solace in his career as a comedian. Making light of things quickly became his coping strategy. “Finding the hilarious is my coping technique,” he explained. “I’m crying if I’m not laughing. And I’m still not honest about how dark and terrible things can go.” “I feel really at ease on stage,” he added. And when I’m bored, I withdraw, which is unhealthy.”
Inconsistencies are noticed by the public.
According to Howie Mandel, the public has spotted him hugging and shaking people’s hands. It is “inconsistent” with his mental health difficulties, they said. Howie, on the other hand, is not convinced. “People notice contradictions, particularly in the media,” he explains. “Well, he hugged someone or shaken someone’s hand.”
Howie, on the other hand, claims that, contrary to popular opinion, he can shake people’s hands and hug them. So he ends up washing himself for hours and hours, never satisfied. “I’d like to shake your hand,” he said. “But then I’d believe I hadn’t washed it thoroughly enough. And I’d go back and forth for hours, washing my hands. I see the humour in that. Yet that doesn’t make it any less painful. And I’m not interested in defending my mental health. I just want to keep it.”
