We’ve all been through tough breakups. Some, however, stick with us forever because of the unexpected twists and turns that follow. Whether it’s a seemingly never-ending series of antics from an ex or our own misjudged rev:enge, these stories can make us chuckle or wince long after the fact.
The Tinder Trickster
Just last week, a colleague nudged me and commented, “Your Tinder profile is both funny and brutally honest.” I was puzzled.
Apparently, my ex crafted a fake profile using my pictures with a quirky bio stating: “Full-time mess, part-time plate juggler (literally—I dropped one last week). I own 12 plants but watered only 11. Swipe right if you can parallel park because I can’t.”
Now, Steve at work keeps offering to give me parking lessons. Oh joy.
Wedding Day Surprise
When I broke things off with him, I didn’t expect him to lose the plot. After he found out I was tying the knot, he RSVP’d with a fake name and showed up to the ceremony dressed as a mime. Chalk-white face and all, he mimicked guests’ every move before being escorted out. My in-laws were left puzzled, but my husband and I still chuckle about “The Mime Who Couldn’t Move On.”
The Case of the Vanishing Remotes
After a heated argument about TV choices and splitting up, I noticed every remote in my home had vanished. From TV to fan and even the LED bed lights—all gone.
A frantic search finally led me to the freezer. Inside a Tupperware, encased in ice, were all the remotes with a note: “Cool off, loser.”
Espresso Embarrassment
Another tale from my romantic past involves coffee. I’d always grabbed my morning fix from the same café, even held a reward card. After the split, my ex and her barista friend renamed my regular latte to “The Sad Single.”
When the barista loudly called out, “Sad Single for Brian!” in a busy queue, I kept my cool, paid double, and decided home-brewed coffee was suddenly more appealing.
Silent Morning Alerts
Every day post-breakup, I’d find myself awake precisely at 4:17 a.m., never having set an alarm. But I soon realized she was setting alarms on my devices through our linked home system. Finally, I got even by making her lights blink disco-style at 3 a.m. until she blocked me.
The Glitter Incident
Upon discovering my beau’s betrayal, I skipped the confrontation and opted for a flair-filled revenge. I sneaked glitter into his car vents. Turn on the fan or heater, and voilà! Out came a shimmering shower. For months, he found glittery surprises everywhere—from his clothes to his coffee.
Sticky Situation
He plastered my car with neon pink sticky notes spelling out, “Thanks for NOTHING.” Torrential rain hit that night, leaving me hours of scrubbing to clear the resulting mess.
The Pretend Wedding
A week into my new relationship, my ex went berserk. She crafted fake wedding invites announcing me as the groom-to-be with a lavish date and venue. Friends and family received them, leading to chaos and countless queries from my mom and a very confused new partner.
Selfie Scandal
On social media, my ex shared an awkward photo from a night out, capturing me mid-spill in an ungainly pose.
His caption: “When you think you’re cute, but the universe says ‘nah.’” It spread rapidly among our circle, tagging me as “the girl with the photo.” Thanks a million, ex.
Fabricated Parentage
Hoping to gain my sympathy, my ex claimed he’d moved on and was expecting a baby with his new partner. A little online sleuthing revealed he’d reused an ultrasound picture pulled from Pinterest. So, I mailed him the screenshot and promptly blocked his number.
Gas Money Gripes
Out of the blue, I got a Venmo request for $20 for supposed gas money “owed” during our time together. I paid back with a message: “For all the emotional labor, let’s call it square.”
Forgotten Treasures Box
He’d left a box marked “special” at my place and insisted I keep it safe. Peeking inside months later, I discovered old love notes, all to his former flames. Naturally, I returned them with a note: “You forgot these. Again.”
Playlist Payback
Channeling my post-breakup feelings, I curated a Spotify playlist aptly titled “Reasons We Didn’t Work Out,” packed with tracks like “Toxic” by Britney Spears. Sharing it among his pals ensured it soon became a conversation topic, much to his dismay. Sometimes, rev:enge happens to sound… sweet.
Breakups bring more than just heartache; they unleash a whirlwind of antics. Whether it’s recounting crazy ex chronicles or witnessing it firsthand, the ludicrous nature of our attempts at closure often make for a good story—or maybe just a hearty laugh.